Are you married?

Yes               No

Have you taken this web questionnaire before?

No
yes, I have taken this before.
yes, but it was before October 2008 (an older edition).

Are you planning to submit serious answers to this questionnaire?

Yes
No, my answers will not be serious.
No, I am just curious and want to look at the questionnaire.

Approximately how long ago did the specific interaction take place?

Today Yesterday Within the last week Within the last two weeks Within the last month

Within the last three months Within the last six months Within the last year Longer than a year ago

Where did the interaction take place? (e.g., in the kitchen, in the car, etc.)

Was the interaction typical for how you and your partner handle conflict?

The interaction was milder than our typical conflicts.
The interaction was typical.
The interaction was more severe than our typical conflicts.

 

At the time of the conflict interaction, how did you perceive YOUR PARTNER’S feelings?

Rate the extent to which your partner appeared to be feeling each of the following feelings.

My partner appeared to be feeling angry.

My partner appeared to be feeling sad.

My partner appeared to be feeling bored.

My partner appeared to be feeling annoyed.

My partner appeared to be feeling hurt.

My partner appeared to be feeling uninterested.

 

Continued. . .

Rate the extent to which your partner appeared to be feeling each of the following feelings at the time of the interaction.

My partner appeared to be feeling irritated.

My partner appeared to be feeling concerned.

My partner appeared to be feeling indifferent.

My partner appeared to be feeling aggravated.

My partner appeared to be feeling disappointed.

My partner appeared to be feeling disengaged.

My partner appeared to be feeling furious.

 

At the time of the conflict interaction, how were YOU feeling?

Rate the extent to which you felt each of the following feelings.

I felt angry.

I felt sad.

I felt bored.

I felt annoyed.

I felt hurt.

I felt uninterested.

 

Continued. . .

Rate the extent to which you felt each of the following feelings at the time of the interaction.

I felt irritated.

I felt concerned.

I felt indifferent.

I felt aggravated.

I felt disappointed.

I felt disengaged.

I felt furious.

Listed below are things people often do when there is a conflict in a relationship.

To what extent did YOUR PARTNER do these things during the interaction?

My partner said something mean.

My partner made me feel that my viewpoint was valuable.

My partner raised his/her voice.

My partner was considerate toward me.

My partner told me that I was doing something to cause the problem.

My partner said something kind.

My partner argued.

Continued. . .

To what extent did YOUR PARTNER do these things during the interaction?

My partner agreed with me.

My partner defended his/her position.

My partner politely talked about his/her feelings.

My partner corrected my statements.

My partner carefully listened so he/she could understand me.

My partner criticized me.

My partner discussed the issue calmly.

To what extent did YOU do these things during the interaction?

I said something mean.

I made my partner feel that his/her viewpoint was valuable.

I raised my voice.

I was considerate toward my partner.

I told my partner how he/she was doing something to cause the problem.

I said something kind.

I argued.

Continued. . .

To what extent did YOU do these things during the interaction?

I agreed with my partner.

I defended my position.

I politely talked about my feelings.

I corrected my partner's statements that were not true.

I carefully listened so I could understand my partner.

I criticized my partner.

I discussed the issue calmly.

Rate the extent to which each statement describes YOUR experience during the interaction.

I felt criticized.

I felt neglected.

I felt blamed.

I felt forgotten.

Rate the extent to which each statement describes how you perceived YOUR PARTNER during the interaction.

My partner seemed judgmental.

My partner seemed uncommitted.

My partner seemed demanding.

My partner seemed unconcerned.

Rate the extent to which each statement describes YOUR experience during the interaction.

I felt accused.

I felt invisible.

I felt misjudged.

I felt overlooked.

Do you expect to continue discussing this issue with your partner? .

Yes      Maybe      No .

The next time you discuss this issue, what do you predict your partner will do? .

If you do not expect to discuss the issue, just imagine what would happen if you did.

In your next conversation, how many of your feelings do you think your partner will understand?

How many of your thoughts and opinions do you think your partner will understand?

How many of your wants and desires to you think your partner will understand?

How many of your motives (the reasons why you do what you do) do you think your partner will understand?

Part 15

Listed below are common ways that people respond to conflict.

Rate the extent to which you responded in each of the following ways during the interaction.

I avoided discussing the conflict.

I told my partner everything I was thinking about the issue.

I wanted my partner to be faster at recognizing when I am upset.

I silently refused to say anything.

I wanted to express my feelings, but I did not get a chance to do so.

I decided to remain silent until my partner stopped nagging.

Part 16

Continued. . .

Rate the extent to which you responded in each of the following ways during the interaction.

I quietly waited, hoping my partner would notice I was upset.

I wanted my partner to drop the issue.

I approached my partner and started a discussion about the issue.

I wanted my partner to notice my feelings without me having to say anything.

I decided it was useless to reply to my partner.

I wanted to say something, but waited for my partner to ask.

Part 17

Continued. . .

Rate the extent to which you responded in each of the following ways during the interaction.

I tried to ignore my partner.

I was determined to make sure my partner understood me.

I wanted my partner to take responsibility for finding out how I felt.

I chose not to respond to my partner.

I wanted my partner to figure something out without me having to say it.

I did not get a chance to raise an issue I wanted to discuss.

Part 18

Continued. . .

Rate the extent to which you responded in each of the following ways during the interaction.

I wanted to talk, but waited for my partner to start a discussion.

I withdrew from my partner.

I pointed out issues that were most important to me.

I silently wished my partner would ask about my feelings.

I wanted to escape from my partner's emotional behavior.

I wanted my partner to notice something was wrong without me having to point it out.

You no longer need to think about a specific conflict incident.

Please indicate the degree of happiness, all things considered, of your relationship.

In general, how often do you think that things between you and your partner are going well?

Indicate the extent to which each statement describes your relationship with your partner.

Our relationship is strong.

My relationship with my partner makes me happy.

I have a warm and comfortable relationship with my partner.

I really feel like part of a team with my partner.

Part 20

Most couples have disagreements in their relationships.

How often do you and your partner disagree about each of the following matters?

Disagree on handling family finances?

Disagree on matters of recreation?

Disagree on friends?

Disagree on philosophy of life?

Disagree on making major decisions?

Part 21 A

How often does each of the following occur?

In general, how often do you think that things between you and your partner are going well?

          Note: This question is repeated for scaling purposes.

How often do you and your partner quarrel?

How often do you regret ever getting married?

How often do you think about getting a divorce or ending your relationship?

Part 21 B

How often does each of the following occur?

How often do the two of you engage in outside interests together?

How often do you work together on a project?

How often do you calmly discuss something?

How often do you laugh together?

How often do you have a stimulating exchange of ideas?

Indicate the extent to which each statement describes your relationship with your partner.

How rewarding is your relationship with your partner?

How well does your partner meet your needs?

To what extent has your relationship met your original expectations?

In general, how satisfied are you with your relationship?

Indicate the extent to which each statement describes your relationship with your partner.

Almost as much as
I want

We have fun together.

We provide comfort to each other.

We accept each other.

We help each other.

We resolve our conflicts.

We admire each other.

Indicate the extent to which each statement describes your relationship with your partner.

Almost as much as
I want

We understand each other.

We share personal thoughts and feelings.

We cooperate together.

We are physically intimate together.

We laugh together.

We feel attracted to each other.

Now, think about how you and your partner TYPICALLY deal with problems in your relationship.

What typically happens when some problem in the relationship ARISES?

Mutual Discussion: Both members try to discuss the problem.

Discussion/Avoidance: Man tries to start a discussion while Woman tries to avoid a discussion.

Discussion/Avoidance: Woman tries to start a discussion while Man tries to avoid a discussion.

Demand/Withdraw: Man nags and demands while Woman withdraws, becomes silent, or refuses to discuss the matter.

Demand/Withdraw: Woman nags and demands while Man withdraws, becomes silent, or refuses to discuss the matter.

Criticize/Defend: Man criticizes while Woman defends herself.

Criticize/Defend: Woman criticizes while Man defends himself.

For each of the following items, select a number on the scale that best describes how you feel about your relationship.

Interesting

Boring

Bad

Good

Full

Empty

Sturdy

Fragile

Discouraging

Hopeful

Enjoyable

Miserable

What is your sex?      Male       Female

What is your age?

What is your race?

Asian
Black or African American
American Indian, Native American

How many years have you been married to your partner?

What is your approximate household annual income?

Less than 30 thousand 30 thousand or more 40 thousand or more 50 thousand or more 60 thousand or more 70 thousand or more

85 thousand or more 100 thousand or more 125 thousand or more 150 thousand or more 200 thousand or more I prefer not to answer

If both you and your spouse are completing this questionnaire, it would be helpful to be able to identify your responses as coming from a single couple. Please make up a couple number that will be the same for both you and your spouse. Any random sequence of numbers and/or letters will work.

Please be sure that both you and your spouse enter the EXACT SAME couple number.

Couple Number: